January - Oh, January 2009 was probably one of the hardest months of my life. In it, I made the decision to quit dance. Here’s something I wrote the day it happened.

“.. Some people think that if I really loved it, none of that would matter.(None of the reasons I’d stated earlier.)

I loved it. I really loved it. I'm so sad that love is gone. Quitting is like getting a divorce or something. Like a part of my heart is being torn out of me every time I remember that that love left. I wanted to enjoy it, I wanted to like it and to be happy in class again. I tried, I tried I tried. But it didn't come back. I had to leave. It was time. 5 months of misery is enough to make anyone quit.

All of these thoughts are killing me. Ballet Tyler has been my life for the past fours years. If I wrote a list of all the performances I've done.. well, it would be really long. I have to turn Ballet Tyler into a wonderful phase of my life that has now ended. All good things have to come to an end sometime, only God will last forever.”

February - Here I started dancing at YWAM three days a week. YAGP, the competition I had been planning on competing in, happened the first weekend of February, and I was NOT happy those two or three days. It was hard for me to imagine my friends there dancing and watching, and I wasn’t. Still, the fact that I could enjoy life without Ballet Tyler was amazing me. I think I re-found my identity in this month. In my mind, dance defined who I was as a person, which is why such tragedy was caused in my heart when I quit. But here I began to find my identity fully in God, and being His daughter. I now know, that more than anything else, that fact defines me.

March - I’m thinking, as I look back through my journal, that March was the month of friendship. Clara and I were only able to hang out once every two weeks, which was extremely hard.. but that restriction just made every moment of our time spent together sweeter. I also began getting to know Bethany and Alisha Pratt, two God-sent friends who I love dearly. Entries about riding motorcycles with Daddy, reading books, drinking tea, and other such happenings, show how much I began to value the little things.

April - David Karp Piano Festival and YWAM dance recital, Rayleigh’s birthday party, True Love by Phil Wickham, Kathrine’s birthday weekend in Dallas, Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen and Captivating by John and Stasi Eldrege, and the LACK of Ballet Tyler shaped the month.

May - Nothing too exciting happened, but Ballet Tyler was entering back into my life. I went to their school recital, and took a ballet class from Ms. Kym. It was also the ending of school, which brought much joy. :)

June - The Roquemores moved. I was very, very sad. Especially while at... Rockin’ C! Oh, Rockin C’ was such a good thing for me and this summer. The people I met, the things I learned, and the memories I gained are cherished greatly. Extreme Camps! This was a hard week, but so good also. I was sick nearly the entire time, which immediately put a damper on things, but I grew a lot. Ben Ambler and I climbed a telephone pole and jumped of it, only to grab onto a trapeze bar. I had many good talks with good friends, and... I’m smiling now. :)

July - I began to dance at TJC with Mrs. Thereza, I think it was twice a week. Life was hard this month.. mom was gone for a long time, in Guatemala and Colorado. I felt as though I was holding the house together. I missed my mom a lot.

Yay! My dear sister Abigail graduated from Teen Mania and came home!
Everything went crazy this month! I had my whole school schedule and stuff worked out, when I last minute signed up for two TJC classes! This greatly effected my whole semester. On Monday, August 30th, I went to my first academic class in my entire life.

September - During this month I was schooling, dancing, singing in the youth group worship band, working towards my license, and making new friends. September was an interesting month.

October - Here, I and many other people from youth group learned, practiced, and performed a drama called Freedom. It was a good enough experience that I wrote an essay about it. Clara was the lead character and in it her character was hurt and pulled around by the Devil. Even watching Clara play this role hurt me.. because the idea was so disgusting. From being in this drama things were put into perspective for me, and I was shown how much God’s heart breaks over his people who are hurt.

November - Dance, dance, dance! I had an increasing amount of rehearsals for The Christmas Ballet and The Nutcracker as well as finals coming up, which caused me to be extraordinarily busy. Mrs. Shurrell asked to choreograph a contemporary for me for YAGP! She said she was really impressed with my hard work and dancing.

December - There is so much I can say about this month, I don’t know what to pick.. Dance was a very significant part of this month. Oh my gosh.. I danced almost non-stop for two weeks. With four roles in the Nutcracker, I was ridiculously busy during rehearsals.. running back and forth between the dressing room and auditorium, barely stopping for breath. I was also able to play the Sugar Plum Fairy for the school shows which was an awesome opportunity. The Nutcracker was a wonderful performance for me, where I got to enjoy dance more than usual, and show that joy onstage.

Now my thoughts are directed towards Christmas, New Years, Onething, YAGP, and much much more.

I originally meant this to be the main things learned each month.. it kind of turned into my life for the past year. But this year's life has been good. I also had pictures positioned perfectly and other such things.. but this is too long anyway. Writing this is a way to look back on everything that has happened.

I hope you enjoy reading this... though there is no guarantee. Mine isn't the most interesting of lives. :)

The Week of Thanksgiving

Today is Monday. The only things I have to do today are history homework, geometry, and dance class. Everything else is optional! That is such a blessing. This week is the week of Thanksgiving.

I’m thankful because I still have more than a week left until history finals, that I don’t have to go to TJC class, and that today will be my last dance class for a week. Two weeks, actually. I won’t be taking classes next week, I will be rehearsing!

I can’t believe it is already time for Thanksgiving and Nutcracker! Christmas is only a month away. I’ve been so excited about this season approaching and now it is finally here. We have had many fires in the fireplace already, and I’ve enjoyed them greatly. I have Anne of Windy Poplars to read, but I haven’t really gotten into it yet. I’m sure I will, right at the height of the holidays and that will only add to my pleasure. :D

In addition to all of that, Mom callled Mrs. Shurrell today and said that I can do a solo for YAGP! I’m so excited! It is such an encouragement to have Shurrell ask me to do it. She said people normally come to her to ask for choreography, so it is an honor. We are going to start next week after Thanksgiving! :)

Here are some of my recent readings. The Lord keeps revealing more and more to me, and I keep learning more, every time I read the Bible.

Proverbs 23:15 - 25

My son, if your heart is wise, my heart too will be glad.

My inmost being will exult when your lips speak what is right.

Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day.

Sure there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.

Hear, my son, and be wise, and direct your heart in they way,

Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat,

for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and slumber will clothe them in rags.

Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.

Buy truth, and do not sell it; buy wisdom, instruction, and understanding.

The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice;

he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him.

Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice.

Romans 6: 3-4

Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in the newness of life.

Ephesians 5:1, 7-14

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us, and himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Therefore do not associate with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light. (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,

“Awake, Oh sleeper, and arise from the dead; and Christ will shine on you.”

Every week I do the childcare for the Tuesday-night prayer meetings. I’ve really been enjoying it. The children that come routinely are Ashley, Jonathan, Cole, and Nicki Hasz. Joseph and Becky Packard have started coming as well. Tonight we had ten kids! Clara was there to help me, which was a very good thing because it was crazy! Ashley and Jonathan, who are regularly the biggest of helps were very rowdy and only added to the craziness. Even with that I still enjoyed a lot.

I’m thankful that I have a job, and one that I enjoy. Even though it is only two hours a week, it is nice to have some regular money coming in. :)

Today, Wednesday, I went to Clara’s house and cooked and ate a Thanksgiving meal with her, her dad, Keeley, Kirk, and a few of his friends from Teen Mania. It was a lot of fun, and my first Thanksgiving to meal to actually prepare myself, so that was interesting. After eating and cleaning up, Clara, Keeley, and I went out to one of their back fields and ran around, climbed trees. It was wonderful!

THANKSGIVING DAY!

Ah yes, today is the day. I’m so thankful to have been able to spend the holiday with my wonderful family. The Babcocks and Andrew came over this afternoon for thanksgiving meal, and then we all went over there for dessert and some hang time. I played Wii for the first time in my life! The Forney and Babcock cousins don’t get to spend much time together, so today was a lot of fun.

The week of November 15th.

In the past week I have survived a full-cast, six-hour dance rehearsal with dead pointe shoes, performed in a nursing home, watched New Moon, received great essay grades, baby-sat some wonderful children, and met some cool people.

I don’t know. All of those things may be minor accomplishments, but I think they add up to complete a busy and wonderful week.

1. On Friday I woke up and after a bit of sitting around I started writing in my journal about the day ahead of me when I realized that my idea of what was going to happen was all wrong! I had to perform at the Prestige nursing home at 4:30 and had completely forgotten. Mom and I left a bit late and then had to stop for gas, but we still made it on time. The show went well. The crowd wasn’t as responsive as I had hoped they would be.. but I hope we were able to bless them. After that I had to run over to Ballet Tyler rehearsal were Brooke had forgotten that I wasn’t going to be there right away. We went through the show once and put our costumes on and danced it again. The ballet is coming along.

2. Yesterday.. oh that day. I got to TJC at around 9:50 and left at 4:15. Long day. During that rehearsal I barely sat down once. We, the dolls, danced with the party-scene for the first time and it was crazy! We are supposed to be carried away at the end by some of the men in the scene.. but, rather than carrying me, this guy herded me off to the side, saying he’d rather not break his back yet. I only way about half as much as he does so it was a maybe.. a bit rude? Haha, anyway, it will be interesting when we try performing on stage since he wouldn’t practice during rehearsal. Act 2 was the ridiculous one. Because I am the Sugar Plum Fairy in the school shows I have to do that on top of everything else. The shank (the hard part) on my right shoe broke and was no longer supporting my ankle at all. By the end of rehearsal I could barely stand in my pointe shoes..

3. I watched Becoming Jane last night. I cried. I didn’t want to watch it because someone had already told me the outcome of the story and once I knew that, my interest decreased quite a lot. Sad movies are good, but not when you know they are going to be sad when you start them. Every time a happy part came I just grieved because I knew it wouldn’t last. It was, however, an extremely beautiful movie and I like those.

I love to ramble, as you can tell. Today, the whole D’Eramo family and some of the Bares family, including Shay who has been gone for a few months, and I all went to see New Moon. It certainly wasn’t the best movie I’ve ever seen, but I did enjoy myself. Which we all know is what life is about, hahaha.

Freedom

Here's another essay. I wrote this about a drama I performed with my youth group at Octoberfest a few weeks ago. It was an awesome experience. I love having so many opportunities to learn and grow.

Freedom

by Malorie Forney

“I really wish I could do the drama,” I said disappointedly, “but I have dance rehearsal at twelve on Saturday and homework on top of that.” It was a rainy Sunday morning only two weeks ago, and youth group had just ended.

“Mr. Heath said that we’re performing at 9:45 in the morning on Saturday, remember?” was Clara’s exasperated response. “You could still do it!”

Oh dear. The opportunity to be in the drama my youth group was performing at “Octoberfest” was right in front of me, but quick decision-making has never been my forte and I only had ten minutes! The first of two practices was about to begin and I ran quickly up to the main church building in the rain to talk with my parents. “Do I want to sacrifice sleeping in to be in a drama that I might not even like’?” was the question that went through my head multiple times within those few minutes.

Deciding to go for it, I made my way through the constant patter of raindrops back to the youth room. As I walked in, soaking wet and at least fifteen minutes late, it looked as though they had already given out roles and started working.

“What is it, Malorie?” Alisa, my youth pastor’s wife, asked as I stood dripping in the doorway.

“Oh, well I just talked with my parents and... I still, I guess I took too long.” is what I managed to stammer out. Reverting back to my old habit of vacillating, I wondered if I should keep talking, or just walk away. Eventually they realized that I wanted to be in the drama and stuck me in as a demon.

Having been handed an empty Root Beer bottle, I sat down on my knees, attempting to mimic those around me. Michaela, Katrisha, and I were representing alcohol, while the other demons were representing greed, holding money. My beautiful best friend, Clara, was standing with chains around her. Justin, another friend, was holding the chains from behind with an extremely evil expression on his face. Playing the part of Satan, Justin jerked Clara around the room. At this point in the play Ben came up. He was a comfort to her, and for a short while they danced together. He, however, turned against Clara. Using her for his own benefit, Ben threw her down like everyone else.

Jesus, played by Jake, was standing at one end of the room, reaching and crying for His child who was hurting. Demons on the other side were trying to pulling her toward them, counting “1, 2, 3, and 4” in sync with music pulsing in the background. The song, “Locked In a Cage” by Skillet, said,

“Hold me down 'cause I want to know You. You bring calm to my rage. You are life and I'm thirsting for You. Hold me, hold me, locked in a cage.”

As Justin pulled her around the stage, it showed the battle invisible to our natural eyes. The Devil places things in front of us to make us fall. In this drama it was greed, alcohol, partying, and sex. Just watching Clara act out this part hurt me. The thought of my best friend in bondage was disgusting.

My youth pastor, Heath, continually said, “Be evil, demons. Play it up! The worse you are, the better Jesus will look.”

Though I wanted it to appear real, it was easy to feel foolish practicing this drama. Trying to portray a character I never want to be in reality was a challenge. I knew that it was an opportunity to show people God’s true character and it was worth it. In the end, Jake showed the audience how Jesus died on the cross to save that girl from her sins. He took the chains for Clara and put them upon himself.

The pain I felt while watching Clara is nothing compared to what the Lord feels constantly for every person who succumbs to the enemy’s temptations. Her character showed me the hopelessness people feel when they put their value in something that will only harm them. People’s desperate attempts to fill their emptiness won’t end until they find who they truly need, the one and only Savior, Jesus Christ. After performing the drama on Saturday, I realized how immense God’s love is for us, a love that reaches beyond every sin we commit.

Walking in the dreary, dripping weather of that Saturday morning, I told my friend what I’d learned from watching her.

“Good Job, Clara.”

10:45

This is where I spent the majority of my time. Washing dishes.

This is my entire group! Abby on the right was our counselor. :D

I have to say, this was pretty awesome.

An essay I wrote for english.. I wanted to share a different one with you, but it isn't on this computer. I hope you like it. :)

Rockin' C Ranch

The first thing to do was to get there. My daddy was driving. As the contents of my uneasy stomach did a dance inside of me, I chomped nervously on the cobaltic gum in my mouth. Through the truck’s speakers came the soothing sound of David Wilcox singing of waltzing high school chains away and I wanted to stay in the homelike car with the comfort of Daddy and David forever.

I’d eagerly signed up for the job most people immediately rejected, and it began to feel like a bad idea. A part of me thought ostentatiously about being the selfless, sacrificial one to give up my time and go slave for fourteen days. That wasn't extremely comforting, seeing as I worked to suppress the rising of those unwelcome thoughts.

The seemingly endless drive was nearly over. Brightly colored signs directing my melancholy thoughts to our long awaited destination told me Rockin' C Ranch was steadily approaching. Many treasured summers had been spent at this working ranch camp. Joy-filled memories of insanely tedious horse rides and the elation I always felt while flying speedily through the air on the intimidatingly gargantuan zip-line ran to the front of my mind and nostalgia won the race against other feelings.

Suddenly, the car was jostling roughly over a cattle guard into the ranch and my anxious pessimism changed immediately to joyful excitement. Horses standing at liberty were contentedly eating in a field of lush, green, grass. What bliss they must've been experiencing, free from human demands for a quickly passing twenty-four hours. All of the annoyingly energetic cowboys were giving directions, waving their arms, and smiling. My eager eyes caught sight of Janie's Lake, looking tranquil and lonely, free of campers for one short day. The blob, tarzan swing, and mini zipline all floated peacefully; silently rejoicing in their moments of aimless drifting.

As I was stepping cautiously out of my father’s white truck, two familiar people began fighting playfully over who got to bear hug me first. It was my first sight of Andrew and Marissa in many years and my anxious heart was filled with inexplicable joy as they expressed their happiness at my arrival.

My temporary home was a miniscule room above the hyper ten year-olds who provoked so much deja-vu. “Sleepless in the attic” became the humorous motto of our small group of five, seeing as every time a voice rose in the night, we heard it clearly. I was entirely skeptical about my roommates and counselor upon meeting them, but as the days went quickly by, I grew extremely close to them, gladly learning how much first impressions could be wrong.

At the beginning of this fulfilling experience, my previously sarcastic mind thought about the “joys” of kitchen duty, never imagining that there could truly be any. But interestingly enough, I did find joy in that kitchen, a joy that had nothing to do with washing dishes or frying tator-tots. It was a joy of the strong bond created while working together to feed a camp-full of children who were hungry for more than just food. It was a blessing, not only to them, but to us.

Autumn

A few weeks ago I wrote in my "computer journal", a document in TextEdit about how excited I was about fall and winter coming. The computer died and I lost it all, but I'm going to try again. Even writing about it makes me happy.

My favorite seasons are coming. With Fall, actually, I like Autumn better.. with Autumn comes:

1. Rehearsal for new dance performances and the excitement of auditions, costume fittings, and choreography learning.

2. My birthday. I'm turning sixteen in eight days.. :)

3. The leaves changing and falling. I can't wait to make big leaf piles and jump into them while taking pictures. (Kathrine and I did that last year, and I still smile when I look in the backyard.)

4. Curling up with a book and some chai tea while it's raining outside and the wind is blowing. I'm so excited.

5. Hanging out with my family. Remembering old memories and making new ones. It's going to be great.

Today, not much is required of me. I've done my geometry, fed the dog, and now I get to sit around in front of a fire in the fireplace. Bliss.

The Beginning of Nutcracker!

Jane and I performed together in July, at Whitehouse's Yesteryear! We both did dances from The Nutcracker!

I am dancing at TJC this year! Taking modern, ballet, and variations class. It definitely isn't the School of Ballet Tyler, but it's very good. I'm still trying to adjust to taking classes at a college rather than a studio.

At 10:10 saturday morning, Eliana picked me up to head over to Tyler Junior College for Nutcracker rehearsal. I was there thirty minutes early because she had a rehearsal before me. During that time I watched the dancers in Spanish learn their dance for the first time. After that I got ready to go back to the mechanics as a Doll. It was an good rehearsal. The other Doll, Dennis, has never done any partnering in dance before, so we spent some time working on lifts and turns. I'm very excited to see how this dance is going to turn out!

Next it was time for Marzipan.. I was in this dance in Ballet Tyler's Nutcracker last year. It wasn't the easiest thing because I had to hop on my toes for sixteen counts in thirty degree weather on a floor that was wet. Anyway, this year it's going to be a little easier since the performance is inside! It was only Beth and I today because the other three people were absent.

Snow is probably going to be the most challenging because it is over five minutes. I've never had a great deal of stamina, but I'm glad to be able to build it up some more. Waltz is fun because I am a demi-soloist, so even though it is also over five minutes long, I won't be on the stage the only time and get to do some very cool dancing.

At the end of these rehearsals it was 3:30 P.M. and finally time to go home! I caught a ride home with Hannah and Sarah, both from Teen Mania. It was such a blessing that they were willing to do so, even though I'm just getting to know them.

Jane and I are the only senior Ballet Tyler members in the Nutcracker, which, although I'm sad that I don't know as many people, I am so excited to have the opportunity to get to know more dancers in East Texas!

Anyway, this is getting somewhat long and boring, but it was a very exciting day! My feet haven't yet recovered from all of the strenuous dancing last weekend, hopefully they will be ready to work again by Saturday!

The Introduction.

Ah, the beginning of a new season. A new blog, a new fall, a new school grade, a new dance studio, and most importantly: new experiences. 

That's why this is here. I love to talk, and to have people know what's going on in my life.

So, occasionally I will stop by and write a few words to those of you who might also stop by every now and then.