April 6th, 2014

In the living room with my Austyn man, not quite ready to finish the day and go to sleep, I'm dutifully drinking my Red Raspberry Leaf tea to strengthen my womb in preparation for the arrival of our baby boy. It isn't my favorite thing, fairly blasé in flavor, but I love the thought that with each sip I'm improving my health and bettering myself for the sake of our son. Anyway, we were in search of something to do during this interim, something to "wind-down" after a long day concluded with the movie Zero Dark Thirty. (Good, but not exactly restful or peaceful.) On the shelf sits Birdbaths and Paper Cranes, a book of little stories that my mom gave me at Christmastime. As my dearest kindred spirit, my mom's recommendations are trustworthy and we decided to give it a try. In the world of iPhones and iPads, we rarely find these empty moments to fill with words on a page instead of pictures on a screen...

Though initiating this time of reading together feels a little forced, a few minutes in I'm sensing the tinges of a lifetime ritual before us. My heart is jumping as we read the stories of one woman's family and the things that have happened. I'm imagining all that is before Austyn and I and the stories that we will be able to tell. I'm also thinking of the many books we could read together if we do make a routine out of this. Lastly, I'm thinking about how happy I am with with this life that I lead. I love the fact that my future still holds unknowns and adventures, but with a husband and a child always included. We are a family and it's now Our story, instead of Mine.

January 16th, 2013

I just opened up this old blog and became crowded with emotions. I miss years past. I miss the simplicity of the life. I miss the flood of things the Lord was teaching me back then. Lately I haven’t been putting things into words as well. I’m going for weeks on end without picking up a pen to journal which never happened when I was in high school. I know some things must change as life changes.. I’m older, I’m going to school for nursing, I’m busy, Austyn Bailiff is my boyfriend, and plenty of other changes have occurred, but I don’t want these things to stand in the way of my spiritual growth. Or even worse, cause any growth that has happened to reverse! As I’m saying all of this, I feel flooded with assurance from the Lord that there has been no standstill in what He’s been teaching me. Even still, I want to be like I was back then. Thirsty. Doing everything I could for more of the Lord. What can I do to produce the fruit that I’m seeking? Stop seeking fruit. I need to set aside the worry of spiritual growth and just Seek Him. "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you."  Worrying about outward growth will do me no good. 

As I seek Him, I'm going to begin putting words to what I'm learning as I once did. 

This is my official return to writing.

February Fifth

Here's a glimpse of my journal writing this evening. A list of things I'd like to do over the next few weeks and months.



I want...

To use my time well.
To be a better friend.
To get A's in all of my classes.
To work out.
To eat healthy.
To read more.
To grow in Godliness.
// Epic Dancer-ness!
To excel..
To schedule my life a bit.
To learn how to cook.

"I want to thrive, not just survive."

Source: christinajax.tumblr.com via Roshanna on Pinterest

September First

Source: None via Abii on Pinterest

      Starbucks Cafe for two and a half hours. Much pleasantness.

      This afternoon I'm feeling especially exhausted and... freezing. I'm sitting right underneath an air-conditioner vent, my hands are so cold it almost hurts to type. This past week, in an attempt to be wise I've been going to sleep before eleven every evening, but this inexplicable exhaustion has yet to abate! Perhaps the high of the first week of school is all that kept me going before, and now, (in my second week of school), I'm experiencing true tiredness? Doesn't sound exactly right, but I've no other hypothesis more reliable. Frustration.

      I don't want this excessive tiredness to keep me from doing well in school, in life. I'm trying to remain inspired and excited. I have an ever greater desire to do everything with passion and intent. Jim Eliot said to "live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God." I've spent too many dance classes just going through the motions, not trying my hardest.. then I've wondered why my dancing is not improving. In life as in dance, things don't just get better on their own, there is work involved. 

-- You guys, I know I'm not saying anything profound, I'm just sharing one of the daily battles I fight.

      This semester I'm reminding myself that every day is significant and I'm going to look at it with the perspective of growth and greatness. I want my life to be an earthly representation of who God is, though I know I'll never come close to His perfect goodness. I want people to see Him and not me. I don't want my exhaustion, anxiety, or whatever it is to get in the way of God.

      So that's that.. time to go teach a dance class! :)

      

A lesson from Psychology 2301

     In my Psychology textbook I was reading about operant learning,  where you do something and, as a result, receive either punishment or reinforcement. Children who do something wrong are punished, and by that punishment learn not to do that wrong thing anymore. As christians, we are sometimes punished for loving the Lord and sharing about Him. According to my textbook we should be learning not to share about the Lord anymore because we're being punished.

     We cannot allow ourselves learn that.  In order to make a difference in this world, to bring glory to God, we must be willing to receive punishment, and fight against our natural tendencies to flee things that hurt. 

     We hear stories of martyrs who gave up their lives because they would not renounce the Lord. Also of missionaries who continually go back to tell people of the Lord regardless of the consequences. Some people get rejected multiple times and never give up. They are the ones who hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant," when standing before the Lord. That's what it takes.


     It is easy to magnify the things that hurt, forgetting that the good outweighs the bad by huge degrees. It's so important to remember the blessings we receive by being followers of Christ. 

     "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being   renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." - 2 Corinthians 4:16-17

Spring Break '11

     I'm afraid I've been a serious blog-neglecter lately. I'm now attempting to come out of this phase of writer's-block, (hahaha), and enter back into the world of blogging! Luckily I have a great event to spur me on in my writing.

     SPRING BREAK.


     This year's spring hiatus from school and responsibility I deviated from my normal break activities and took a road-trip to Colorado! It seems like it must be common knowledge that I very strongly dislike road-trips. My history of car-sickness phobia will explain a lot of this to you.

     Anyway, with more than a few qualms I signed up for a youth group snowboarding trip to Ski Cooper in Leadville, Colorado. With the incredibles, Randy and Bethany Olsson, heading it up, I knew it would be an adventure and didn't want to pass up the opportunity.

     I arrived at Ski Cooper as a beginner snowboarder and left the same.. I was brave to the point of recklessness and have the bruises to show for it. After nearly four days of not snowboarding I still feel as though I fractured my tailbone.

     Regardless of my inherent tendency to fall down increased by the fact I was fastened to a board at the top of a very steep and icy hill, I managed to have a great load of fun and want to return soon! My hope is that this trip will become an annual one so that I'll be able to improve my snowboarding expertise. :)

     Due to laziness I'm not going to give you a day-by-day account of the trip, though I assure you it would be very interesting.. here are some pictures to give you the gist of the trip.

Here we are, awaiting the arrival of the rental vans so we can begin our trip, estimated at 24 hours.

Fortunately for us girls, it worked out seating-wise for these for guys to be squashed in the back-most seat in the van, leaving the women the more spacious three-person car seats.

Here are my road buddies, Bryn and Abigail. :)

Snapshots of Peter, Justin, and Caleb in stage 4 sleep. Hahaa.

Snow and mountains came as the van sped closer to our destination.

After arriving, getting the vans stuck and unstuck in the snow, we spent a few minutes taking pictures in the winter wonderland of Colorado!

Clara and I in our snowboarding getup!

Caleb, Justin and I at the top of the mountain. (Or.. was it the bunny slope? ;)

The Lord's glorious masterpiece

Getting to wake up and see the sun rise over these mountains was such an enormous blessing.  

A New Semester

Hello, friends! 

I feel as though things have been running non-stop! I'm sure it is mostly my own fault. I'm always filling the rare, free moments with something else, barely giving myself a time to think. The only time I sit and read the Bible or write in my journal is after 11 PM when everyone else in the house has gone to bed and I'm nearly asleep. Because free time is so scarce I feel the need to put it to good use and spend with friends that I wouldn't otherwise get to see! This isn't how it always works out, though.. so today I only left the house once! Are you proud of me? You shouldn't be.. I wanted to go to Rockwells and Kathrine's and various other places, but the opportunities never arose so I was forced to content myself with home and Brookeshire's.

This week I started school again after the six-week long Christmas break! I was somewhat ready to go back after having such an erratic holiday. I think.. I flourish on routine.  This semester my schedule is somewhat erratic itself! I have classes at three different locations, all in one day! Things have been simplified by the canceling of one the dance classes I taught and two dance classes I took last semester, which helps keep things manageable. 

On Monday, Martin Luther King Jr. day, I found out some horribly unfortunate news regarding my classes. All of the TJC courses I'd signed up for at Teen Mania had been abolished due to lack of enrollment! Ah! I was something like devastated. I had stressed so much, trying to get registered for those classes! I'd been planning my life for the next five months according to THIS schedule with THESE classes. Anyway, we had to call the next day and re-enroll me for classes.. that is why my classes are in three different places (online, Lindale, and Tyler) rather than at Teen Mania where I had originally planned for them to be. 

These classes aren't the only things that have been different from what I'd intended or expected for this semester. I thought that I had worked everything out perfectly, and when things were changed I was devastated! I've been forced to believe that my plan wasn't the right one after all and the Lord had something else in mind. It is true, my plans don't always coincide with the ones that the Lord has.. but I know His are so much better than my own so I'm content to follow Him! 

"For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere.

I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of wickedness. 
For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor.

No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.

O Lord of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!" - Psalm 84:10-12